


Birthday rush (I know you love puzzles remix)

by halfeatenmoon



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Art Remixed As Fic, Birthday, Explosions, F/F, Remix, Remix Revival, but you love puzzles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-24
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-19 12:52:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11898126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfeatenmoon/pseuds/halfeatenmoon
Summary: You can't take all the violence out of a murderbot, even a superintelligent one who loves you and wants to make you happy, which is why Chell phoned the bomb squad at 5am on her birthday.





	Birthday rush (I know you love puzzles remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sqbr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqbr/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Early Valentine](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/318564) by alias-sqbr. 
  * In response to a prompt by [sqbr](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sqbr/pseuds/sqbr) in the [remixrevivalmadness2017](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/remixrevivalmadness2017) collection. 



Some days, waking up with an AI lover who used to try to kill you could be terribly romantic. It turned out that when GLaDOS put her superhuman reserves of passion towards love instead of murder, she could be phenomenally loving. However, you can't take all the violence out of a murderbot, even a superintelligent one who loves you and wants to make you happy, which is why Chell phoned the bomb squad at 5am on her birthday.

"It's a puzzle," GLaDOS crooned, as Chell carefully pulled the shiny blue bow off the pile of explosives, trying not to jostle anything. "I know you love puzzles."

"I don't love puzzles," Chell grumbled. This bomb wasn't all that complicated, which probably made it even more dangerous.

"Oh, don't call the men here," GLaDOS said, sadly, when she saw Chell start dialling. "They take all the fun out of it. They don't understand."

"They understand how to stop it from killing us both. Hi, yes, I have a crude explosive device here. Yes, cardboard tubes, wired with a key interface..."

"That's cheating," GLaDOS said, but her voice softened.

Chell glanced over her shoulder, rolled her eyes and sighed. "No, I don't need someone to come out, I'm... I'm an experienced explosives handler myself, it's just I'm, ah, I'm not from around here and I don't really know this model... yes, I can find a serial number, just a moment..."

Defusing the device was a delicate job. The explosives were dynamite, potentially a delicate variety that could be set off without a detonator if it was jostled too hard. There was no snipping wires, just meticulously, delicately decoupling them from the keypad by hand, and then pulling the other end from the blasting caps. Mercifully, GLaDOS shut up while Chell was at work, and it was only once every part was dismantled that she spoke up again.

"I knew you could do it!" She crowed. "You don't need those 'experts' stomping through our home. I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you for your assistance," Chell said, to the man on the phone. "All clear. Have a nice day."

She hung up and lay back on the floor for a minutes, panting. Then she gathered up its still-actually-quite-dangerous parts, walked to the server room that housed GLaDOS' processors, and threw them dramatically in a heap on the floor.

"Aww, no explosion on impact? You got me the fresh stuff."

"Of course! I only want the best for you."

"I'm mad at you!" Chell threw her arms in the air as she stomped away. "You tried to blow me up for my birthday!"

"I wouldn't let you die. I'd have given you the defusing instructions myself if you couldn't figure it out. I thought it was romantic," GLaDOS warbled. "After all, that's how we met."

Chell walked out without a backwards look, heading towards the kitchen to finally make herself her first cup of birthday coffee. When it was ready, she took it out onto the porch - the one place GLaDOS usually didn't try to follow her - and settled in to watch the sun rise. As the sky lightened to a glorious pink, Chell realised she was already smiling. The adrenaline of her early-morning bomb disposal was draining away, and while she was still kind of annoyed at GLaDOS, she felt exhilarated and triumphant as well. She still really did love puzzles - on occasion, she especially loves the ones that almost kill her.


End file.
